i am deserved !!!

after long monotonous kind of lamentation colored my attitude and fringed my previous writing reflected the faded mentality and weak courage and now just today HE has opened my eyes widely and HE has just given me the scripture John 17: 1-25 and I derive the following from it

* i am YOURS

* BAPA protects me by the power of HIS name

* i will have the full measure of JESUS' joy

* "for them I sanctified MYSELF, that they too may be truly sanctified" John 17: 19

* "I have given them the glory.." John 17:22

* YOU never live me and i will see YOUR GLORY

and the last point YOU are earnestly eager for my happiness, for seeing my bright smile that the last gloomy time i frequently admitted i never deserved yet caused of JESUS , HIS SACRIFICE, that empower me now i have aborted all the curses and i have been declaring

*** I AM DESERVED to have the above points and as HIS dearest i claim HIS desire
to make me whole and happy .....and again i am deserved to have beautiful life
forever. and again i am deserved !!!


THANK YOU JESUS.....THANK YOU for the beautiful Easter gift ever......

i am deserved !!!

for we are to God the aroma of Christ.. 2 Cor 15

today is Chinese new year and I am here instead of coming back to my hometown seeing my hospitalized father. am I loaded with too many things in my mind ?? in fact I am not taking any step.. to deal with them.. and because really I am not in the capacity for handling and since the last several months God has made me realized that's not my part and either the Salvation or the Deliverance all comes from HIM only...HIS passion ..HIS love.....HIS compassion....HIS words...HIS will.

Yes YOUR WORDS saying if one is safe...the whole household will be safe..that's awesome that's the proof of your compassion upon us..

Lord thank YOU for Your Sacrifice..on behalf of my family, especially my father, I say thank You and forgive our sins.

make us be the aroma of Christ before BAPA.........

I am healed 21 Nov 2010

IF HE WANTS , I will be healed and after this quite long period of time more than 30 years longing in the worst way to be delivered finally I know I AM HEALED TODAY ..not because of my thousands variuos efforts but

ALL HIS HAND,
ALL HIS POWER,

ALL HIS GRACE,
ALL HIS MERCY,

AND THE MOST OF ALL
BECAUSE HE WANTS

am I happy ?

Last time several men uttered the question to me if I was happy in term of my marriage. I wonder why they asked me, did they ask the same question to others ?, or maybe I did invited the question 'cos of my countenance - did I look desperate to them ?

Dealing with that kind of question...I was competent enough to give the wise answer that I myself never knew from who, where or when I have learned or what had inspired me to say " happy or not it depends on me in this matter not because of the man I have married." ALWAYS I remind myself the answer is the most appropriate, it is insane if I blame him. And thanks God it helps me to resist the sin of accusing him.

Now at 3 am surprisingly the same question is popping out again but this time is being uttered by myself "am I happy ?"
For this time I cannot just replay the record to give the same answer..instead I ask why that question asked by myself ? Anyway I'm choosing to search the answer...
firstly I said " I am supposed to be happy because I have THE LORD "
soon another voice said to replace the first one " I have to be happy " but suddenly the final one is coming out and commanding me to say
" I AM HAPPY "

confusion vs victory

12 august 2010....12:06 am

what will be happened on the first sept 2010 ?
it makes me tap and once in a while give massage unto my forehead ... everything should be excellent .. no need to become restless like this...(I remind myself).
at least I write something today and during these 19 days I will try not to think about it...Bapa.....yours needs You...You must give her triumph over this ... You must give victory to her.

SEE ONLY WHAT YOU HAVE

Merely it is something between "HIM" and me that I realized just now.
This is my 1 month holiday and I expect something or to be more specific I make an appeal to Him..It cannot be denied my attitude becomes sometimes absurd while awaiting it. I need to keep reminding myself it is not my spouse the one who has to embody my request..sulky face towards "him" is seriously foolishness that smears my own heart.

Things getting worse when I know my 30 days is only several days away to come to the end whereas I still haven't received any sign of my request comes true. The more I think the sulkier I becomes towards him....

no..anything happened to me isn't caused by anybody...isn't caused by "him".
It is something to do between me and my LORD personally.
Getting het up about towards "him" is a big mistake is a bias

HE is THE ONLY ONE who prospers me..THE ONE who cares and waters me every second with HIS MILD LOVE AND SMILE which I am crazy about
HE is THE ONE that my heart hooks up so no need to be restless even I miss the target, miss the spectacular dream happened in this 30 day holiday..because HE who created me is perfect and everything HE gives to me is perfect.

Yesterday I was reminded and I became ashamed of myself since the same mistakes occurred not only once...I see what I don't have in spite of what I have..in fact I will see so many things more possibly the whole world and flesh never stops to be slaked, the problem is I am not created to accommodate the whole things I see....

I need to see only what I have so from this the gush of overflowed thankfulness will sparkle the heart

Lord thank You for everything I have..maybe someone has kinder spouse, better career or thousands more that the world can offer..but I can see now what fits me is what I have .. what YOU give to me ....Because You are perfect so what You set for me is PERFECT....LOVE YOU LORD>>>>