gift or grace

It became my self-tradition to ask something on the date of my birth..from THE LORD, THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE.

Long before the day, I would be busy to think what to be asked...and several lines of supporting reasons why I should be entitled to it would be clustered. Quite often tears as seasoning would be participated.

After receiving it, usually I would say to myself...."you are deserved what you asked..or maybe you are more righteous than people you dislike so that's why He approved it..." !!! GOODNESS .... !!!! SHAME ON ME !!!

How come just now I have realized ?? Lord.. forgive me..maybe I caused the stink before You ... and this hour I've also fully realized I've never deserved to receive anything I asked and Your forgiveness unless Your Son died for my sins.

Lord this is Christmas season and it conjures up my mind that Your Son came to redeem my sins and save my live...

and moreover about many things I have asked ..they aren't GIFTS but GRACE

Thank You Lord for the grace for forgiving my ignorance between gift and grace....

WHEN HE OPENS...NO ONE CAN SHUT..NEITHER CAN I

I should learn and keep in mind from the recent issue.. to "go forward"...fight against my own fear that has been nagging, gnawing and once again trying to plunder my courage..It seemed impossible, it looked blur that time.. almost no support from people around me..even several jumped to their own conclusion carelessly and "hoped I couldn't get thru...."
I live in varied society.. it is normal....in fact it is not wise to hope something to hope a support from others...

that time I was so confused .. and I have almost agreed with people around me I have almost surrended my self to the fear.. and walked from TRAUMA TO THE DEEPER TRAUMA.

It was started on the early of November...the next day HE sent someone and talked to me not to be discouraged...and also sent my mom to say the same story not to give up..mom said to try again and again .. saying all of my cousins were worse than me before.

my mind said "you cannot" the rest of my broken courage said "you can" ... I've prayed and prayed asking His protection, supra natural talent..and now the trauma is gone

quoted from the verse psalm 94: 18-19 today:
"when I said "my foot is slipping," Your love, O Lord, supported me, Your -consolation brought joy to my soul."

He gives me strength
He makes me courageous
He supports me
He has thousand ways to help and heal me

HE OPENS THE DOOR........no one can say no !!!!