Minggu, 24 Januari 2010

TRUSTING YOU

whatever has been happening...
all in Your loving care
and I trust it has been good.

whatever has been through....
all in Your flawless will
and I trust it has been beautiful

being calm..my soul
trust Him..
no more dismay, no more jitters
is coming to your life

being joyous ..my soul
trust Him ..
no more trudge, no more calamity
is happening to your life

HIS LOVE IS EMPOWERING
HIS LOVE IS ENCOURAGING
HIS LOVE IS ENLIGHTENING
HIS LOVE IS SUPPORTING
HIS LOVE IS FORGIVING
HIS LOVE IS CARING

Selasa, 12 Januari 2010

RIDDANCE

The word riddance comes out all of sudden from my tiredness, confusion, undisciplined behavior...I have asked myself since the morning..what is wrong ? what does I need ?
what have I done ? where am I...?? what is the aim of my life ? what am I after ?


HAVE I EVER THOUGHT IF I HAVE EVER BEEN TRIFLING MY TIME BY HURTING, DISTURBING, INFLICTING ANYONE ???


Lord what is wrong with me..is the word RIDDANCE has something to do with my condition now ? Lord, is it because my focus is strayed from You ?

Lord, I remember and long for the time where I could feel the warm of Your Love..and now I insist on getting it it back....


For the last several years caused of so much infliction from several parties, I have been busy in the worst way to defend and vindicate what I have thought I am deserved, my rights. Try to slake all my desires,...put so much attention on every odds and ends...goodness they all vigorously dragged and made me cool and callous..no mercy, no affection, no patience, and no love.


LOVE......
without love everything is for nought even I've just reminded without it... faith doesn't work out...so RIDDANCE FROM ALL VANITY OF THE WORD is an emergency case.

Jumat, 08 Januari 2010

being cheerful

so many times, I remind myself to cheer up to choose to enjoy this life not to make it a burden. A part of me says okay but the other end pulls me even into a deeper tangle of worries a heavier burden of life.

once I made decision to have ideal life, to do what I am supposed to do as a house wife, to pay full attention on my 2 children, to spend more or even all of my time and sacrifice my spare time only for these two girls'need, to listen patiently, attentively to what they imagined but whew ..the more I want to be this and that the more decisions I make...in fact the further I will be away from the target..and at the end usually I'll do nothing but only feel distressed of not doing anything.....and that feeling is capable enough to take away my cheerfulness....

Dealing with the spouse..sometimes I try my way to make it simple by making believe nothing ever happened, no case , not anything..I live in my own imagination..but it doesn't work also...I cannot keep my cheerfulness......

maybe being myself,..being a human,...being realistic..will bring me to the cheerfulness.

Jumat, 01 Januari 2010

sparring partner

never realized before that I was the one who chose my own life my own cases.
From TBN yesterday I have heard that we should be realistic instead of living in our thoughts in our fantasy...huh....

The way someone talks, looks at , and treats you actually they are all clues to know if the person loves you or not. So no need for me to feel that kind of hurt by several betrayals during the 10 years time.....by letting and giving in myself to be a sparring partner for my own thoughts, my own belief, and my own conclusion..the thought of that I had the absolute right to be loved by him....

BE REALISTIC
it isn't wrong to admit that there is no room for me in his heart. Anyway..even there is a room for me,... still no significant point... for what ???

The decision is made a long time ago..but now I cannot blame God , find an excuse to run away from what I should face...
I should behave as what I should do...whatever he does should not steer me. No need for me to be a cheater even he cheated me for instance.

The silly thoughts and things I made
- always asking for the right to be loved ....RIGTH TO BE LOVED...it sounds rather
peculiar and odd..but this matter made me misled and caused me depressed .

- deafening myself for the voices telling the true facts..and filling up my mind
with my own thoughts, arguments, and conclusions.

- being stiff necked..I thought it was almost impossible for me to be wrong in taking
my steps....

- being too proud to admit I could be wrong in my decision

- the most silly and shameful one is I thought I offered good and holy sacrifice to
my Lord by having this kind of life enduring the betrayal.


Lucky HE IS THE ALMIGHTY ONE gives me HIS LOVE....forgives me always...and..Lord I am touched by Your Patience with my foolish thoughts...

Lord .. forgive me if I often blamed You and disowned my own fault
Lord... in YOUR HAND everything will be great... and today 1st of jan 2010 I put my scrambled life, my fam , my hopes, my requests in Your Mighty LOVING Hand..and I know You never ever let me suffer and feel sad.

Bapa gives me YOUR SMIlE to pacify my heart...

LORD .....You are so kind... please approve my latest requests if they aren't against Your Will.......THANK YOU in advance Lord...