sparring partner

never realized before that I was the one who chose my own life my own cases.
From TBN yesterday I have heard that we should be realistic instead of living in our thoughts in our fantasy...huh....

The way someone talks, looks at , and treats you actually they are all clues to know if the person loves you or not. So no need for me to feel that kind of hurt by several betrayals during the 10 years time.....by letting and giving in myself to be a sparring partner for my own thoughts, my own belief, and my own conclusion..the thought of that I had the absolute right to be loved by him....

BE REALISTIC
it isn't wrong to admit that there is no room for me in his heart. Anyway..even there is a room for me,... still no significant point... for what ???

The decision is made a long time ago..but now I cannot blame God , find an excuse to run away from what I should face...
I should behave as what I should do...whatever he does should not steer me. No need for me to be a cheater even he cheated me for instance.

The silly thoughts and things I made
- always asking for the right to be loved ....RIGTH TO BE LOVED...it sounds rather
peculiar and odd..but this matter made me misled and caused me depressed .

- deafening myself for the voices telling the true facts..and filling up my mind
with my own thoughts, arguments, and conclusions.

- being stiff necked..I thought it was almost impossible for me to be wrong in taking
my steps....

- being too proud to admit I could be wrong in my decision

- the most silly and shameful one is I thought I offered good and holy sacrifice to
my Lord by having this kind of life enduring the betrayal.


Lucky HE IS THE ALMIGHTY ONE gives me HIS LOVE....forgives me always...and..Lord I am touched by Your Patience with my foolish thoughts...

Lord .. forgive me if I often blamed You and disowned my own fault
Lord... in YOUR HAND everything will be great... and today 1st of jan 2010 I put my scrambled life, my fam , my hopes, my requests in Your Mighty LOVING Hand..and I know You never ever let me suffer and feel sad.

Bapa gives me YOUR SMIlE to pacify my heart...

LORD .....You are so kind... please approve my latest requests if they aren't against Your Will.......THANK YOU in advance Lord...