being cheerful

so many times, I remind myself to cheer up to choose to enjoy this life not to make it a burden. A part of me says okay but the other end pulls me even into a deeper tangle of worries a heavier burden of life.

once I made decision to have ideal life, to do what I am supposed to do as a house wife, to pay full attention on my 2 children, to spend more or even all of my time and sacrifice my spare time only for these two girls'need, to listen patiently, attentively to what they imagined but whew ..the more I want to be this and that the more decisions I make...in fact the further I will be away from the target..and at the end usually I'll do nothing but only feel distressed of not doing anything.....and that feeling is capable enough to take away my cheerfulness....

Dealing with the spouse..sometimes I try my way to make it simple by making believe nothing ever happened, no case , not anything..I live in my own imagination..but it doesn't work also...I cannot keep my cheerfulness......

maybe being myself,..being a human,...being realistic..will bring me to the cheerfulness.