it is NOT just only a dream

laying and resting my head on Your Palms....the smile doesn't want to leave my face..the heart overflows its joy all night and day.

Nowadays, the situation turns to be more overwhelmed.
I almost cannot tell the difference between dream and reality..... between day and night.

Several times I need to ask myself to double check if everything is true and not a mere hallucination in order no need for me to hide myself and seek consolation by hiding myself in the night time everyday.

as the dream the desire are come true ...... time to wake up and reap the desired dreams...

what a fortune..what a bless " it is N-O-T just only a dream "

....I am happy....

in The Shadow of His Hand...what more I want to ask..?
Many things still happen out there and I should never ever bother again...He keeps me safe...

His warmest hand pats me...
His smile never goes away from my eyes...
His love promises so many great things that never fail
His power rebukes any devil's arrows pointed at me....

I've just come to.. that every shedded tear penetrated in my heart for ages before are counted.....

Bapa....thank You....maybe I am far from what I want to be to make You proud of me but I know now........You are proud of me.

suspicion

something nagging and bothering my days for years.I desperately feel curious about the fact behind this all.

God.. is it okay ?

-Maybe it is not the time for me to know the truth yet.

-Or it is my own fault because almost no action from my side to find the answer and
just let the suspicious circumstances flow by itself and at the same time let the torturing question busily scratching my mind.


Lord am I too passive ? What reaction and what response should I take ?????

What is helping is Your Words.......You will set me free......no more of this all.

mixed in my dream

tears drop inside,,,
lead me to bed time

by and by
mixed in my dream
accompanied... all night long


diary June 12th 1993

love you for good

diary sept 20th 1992

the triumph... the party...the laugh
go in a wink...never be back


the sorrowness...the pain...the agony
come at another turn for once and for all
respectively

It becomes this way...

SMILE represents both bliss and tears
no basic difference between them

but the LOVE of mine
has never gone


JUST LIKE A WATER
ONCE VAPOUR,..........SOON COMES BACK
TO BE THE WATER AGAIN


diary sept 20th 1992

unsure

the morning dawn dew
breaks the night...
faces the fact

since then, ... heart is restless
appeals the unsure future..


.......the schedule is so tight
facing the time,
running out like a flow
the heart is heavy
looking at a distance..try to digest the reality
how cud it be so strange to me ??? against me in so many ways

shud I stay ?
only God knows the lasting of mine
have I've been doing something so awful??


diary 1992.... at the office

riddle

riddle is no longer still a riddle
turning out to be the only question left
scratching the heart...

how could I be expected to figure it out
while it deepen in many subtle ways ??

God ... very sorry to pop out
this question...
Are You here around me ???


diary Oct 10 1992