suspicion

something nagging and bothering my days for years.I desperately feel curious about the fact behind this all.

God.. is it okay ?

-Maybe it is not the time for me to know the truth yet.

-Or it is my own fault because almost no action from my side to find the answer and
just let the suspicious circumstances flow by itself and at the same time let the torturing question busily scratching my mind.


Lord am I too passive ? What reaction and what response should I take ?????

What is helping is Your Words.......You will set me free......no more of this all.

mixed in my dream

tears drop inside,,,
lead me to bed time

by and by
mixed in my dream
accompanied... all night long


diary June 12th 1993

love you for good

diary sept 20th 1992

the triumph... the party...the laugh
go in a wink...never be back


the sorrowness...the pain...the agony
come at another turn for once and for all
respectively

It becomes this way...

SMILE represents both bliss and tears
no basic difference between them

but the LOVE of mine
has never gone


JUST LIKE A WATER
ONCE VAPOUR,..........SOON COMES BACK
TO BE THE WATER AGAIN


diary sept 20th 1992

unsure

the morning dawn dew
breaks the night...
faces the fact

since then, ... heart is restless
appeals the unsure future..


.......the schedule is so tight
facing the time,
running out like a flow
the heart is heavy
looking at a distance..try to digest the reality
how cud it be so strange to me ??? against me in so many ways

shud I stay ?
only God knows the lasting of mine
have I've been doing something so awful??


diary 1992.... at the office

riddle

riddle is no longer still a riddle
turning out to be the only question left
scratching the heart...

how could I be expected to figure it out
while it deepen in many subtle ways ??

God ... very sorry to pop out
this question...
Are You here around me ???


diary Oct 10 1992

marvelous

rainbow in the sky
over there looks marvelous
dawn inside I feel cold
go there feel the touch

diary ... oct 10th 1992

bitterness

tears after tears in bitterness
make my heart bitter

fears after fears in sorrowness
make my heart sorrow.



.....something in me is quite hurting
playing with my own fantasy...
playing with my own dreams...
am I hoping too much ???

diary Jan 16th 1997